"DEAR ALL...
"YOU MUST BE WONDERING
"WHERE I HAVE BEEN THESE LAST FEW DAYS.
"I'VE BEEN LAID LOW WITH A SPRAINED ANKLE
"AND I'M STAYING IN THE ROYAL HUNTING LODGE
"IN THE DISENCHANTED FOREST.
"DO CARRY ON WITH THE CORONATION PLANS
"AND REST ASSURED I WILL BE BACK IN PLENTY OF TIME
"FOR THE BIG DAY.
LOTS OF LOVE, PRINCE WENDELL."
THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT.
WELL, THAT EXPLAINS IT.
IT EXPLAINS NOTHING.
WHY HAS THE PRINCE MADE NO REFERENCE
TO THE TROLL KING CRISIS?
WELL, PERHAPS HE HASN'T HEARD ABOUT IT.
A TWISTED ANKLE CAN BE EXCRUCIATING.
THE TROLL KING HAS CHALLENGED WENDELL
TO FACE HIM IN COMBAT.
MEANWHILE, HE'S BEEN KILLING FOURTH KINGDOM CITIZENS
AND NOTHING'S BEING DONE ABOUT IT.
WE NEED A PLAN.
WE HAVE A PLAN.
MY SEATING PLAN.
THE CEREMONY
IS BARELY THREE WEEKS AWAY.
I NEED THE PRINCE FOR A FITTING
AND I NEED PEOPLE TO AT LEAST COMMIT
TO A BASIC COLOR SCHEME.
I'M WORRIED ABOUT WENDELL.
I SHALL GO TO THE HUNTING LODGE
BY THE FASTEST STEED IN THE KINGDOM
AND TELL HIM OF THE TROLL KING'S CHALLENGE.
JOLLY GOOD IDEA.
ONE FURTHER THING...
THE QUEEN IS STILL AT LARGE.
SHE HAS SPIES EVERYWHERE.
NOTHING THAT IS SAID HERE MUST GO BEYOND THIS ROOM.
AGREED?
AGREED.
WE MUST CONSIDER MILITARY OPTIONS
OTHERWISE, WE WILL BE PERCEIVED
AS BEING SPINELESS IN WENDELL'S ABSENCE.
WOULD IT HELP TO...
SUMMON MY HUNTSMAN.
OH, WE HAVE PROBLEMS.
WENDELL'S COUNCIL DOESN'T BELIEVE MY LETTER.
THEY HAVE SENT A MAN TO WENDELL'S HUNTING LODGE.
HE MUST NOT RETURN.
IT WILL BE DONE.
IF YOU WERE KIDNAPPED
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ALL RIGHT
BUT VIRGINIA?
OH, HAVE I LOST MY ONE TRUE LOVE?
OH, STOP IT WITH THE ONE TRUE LOVE.
YOU'RE SOME GRUBBY EX-CON.
YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT TROUBLE SINCE WE MET.
DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!
I'LL BITE YOU IN A MINUTE!
DO YOU WANT TO DANCE WITH ME?
BECAUSE I'VE HAD...
SHH, SHH, SHH. LISTEN.
( whooshing )
HALT.
WHO APPROACHES?
FORGIVE US, NOBLE WOODSMAN
BUT HAVE YOU SEEN A GORGEOUS GIRL WITH VERY LONG HAIR?
I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING.
I'M BLIND.
( whooshing )
A BLIND WOODSMAN?
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A TREE MOVE?
TONY. WHAT?
LOOK AT HIS AXE.
IS THAT AXE, BY ANY REMOTE CHANCE
THE MAGIC AXE THAT CUTS THROUGH ANYTHING?
COULD BE.
OH. HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT FOR IT?
YEAH, HOW MUCH?
OH, YOU CAN HAVE MY MAGIC AXE
IF YOU CAN GUESS MY NAME
BUT YOUR FRIEND MUST KNEEL
BY THIS BLOCK AND IF YOU HAVEN'T FOUND MY NAME OUT BY THE TIME
I'VE CHOPPED ALL THESE LOGS INTO FIREWOOD
I WILL HAVE HIS HEAD.
WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE?
WHAT KIND OF TWISTED UPBRINGING DID YOU HAVE?
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SAY, "OH, THAT'LL BE 100 GOLD COINS."
WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE
"NO, NOT UNLESS YOU LAY A MAGIC EGG
OR COUNT THE HAIRS ON THAT GIANT'S ASS"?!
DO YOU WANT THE AXE
OR DON'T YOU?
YEAH, WELL, LET'S JUST CARRY ON
LOOKING FOR VIRGINIA.
OH! I KNOW THIS.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
WE ACCEPT.
DON'T ACCEPT ON MY BEHALF.
OH, NO, IT'S FINE.
NO...
IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY. I SWEAR, IT'S OKAY.
VERY WELL.
LAY YOUR HEAD ON THE BLOCK
WHILE YOUR FRIEND GUESSES.
JUST FOR VIRGINIA.
YES, DON'T WORRY.
JUST TO MAKE YOU SECURE.
I KNOW THIS.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT AT ALL.
ALL RIGHT, MR. I- DON'T-HAVE-TO-LOOK- BUT-I-CAN-CHOP-WOOD
YOUR NAME IS RUMPELSTILTSKIN.
NO.
OH!
I SAID "RUMPELSTILTSKIN."
IT'S NOT HIS NAME.
GUESS AGAIN.
OH, RUMPELSTILTSKIN, JR.
RUMPELSTILTSKIN THE FOURTH.
NO.
( whooshing )
DOES IT HAVE A RUMPEL IN IT?
Virginia: PLEASE LET ME GO.
I'M NOT INVOLVED IN THIS.
WHERE'S THE DOG?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
DON'T MAKE ME ASK AGAIN.
I THINK HE'S DEAD.
I THINK YOU'RE LYING.
AND YOU'RE NOT LYING.
IS HE HURT?
YOU WERE DRAGGING SOMETHING ON WHEELS.
YET THE TRACKS WERE TOO DEEP
FOR THE WEIGHT OF JUST A DOG.
WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS?
WILL THEY COME LOOKING FOR YOU?
THEY DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ME.
SO THEY WILL COME.
DO THEY HAVE ANY WEAPONS?
YES.
NO WEAPONS.
UH... TOM.
UH, DICK.
VAN DYKE.
COLD.
UH... UM.
OH! ELVIS?
FRANKIE.
JOHN, PAUL, GEORGE. RINGO.
RINGO?
COLDER. WAY OFF.
WELL, COME ON, LOOK, LOOK.
JUST GIVE ME A CLUE.
WHAT KIND OF FUN
CAN IT BE
JUST TO KILL HIM?
QUITE A LOT OF FUN
ACTUALLY.
IN FACT, YOU COULD SAY THAT IS THE REASON FOR MY EXISTENCE.
SIT.
I WAS BORN HERE
IN THIS FOREST.
WHEN I FIRST SAW THE QUEEN
I WAS STILL A FORESTER.
SHE CAME TO MY VILLAGE.
SHE STOPPED HER HUNTING PARTY
TO WATER THE HORSES.
THEN SHE CALLED ME FORWARD
AND SHOWED ME THIS.
SHE SAID
"WHEN THIS CROSSBOW IS FIRED, THE BOLT WILL NOT STOP
"UNTIL IT HITS THE HEART OF A LIVING BEING.
IT CANNOT MISS."
SO I SAID
"WHAT MUST I DO TO WIN THIS MAGIC CROSSBOW?"
AND SHE SAID, "JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES
FIRE WHEREVER YOU WISH AND IT'LL BE YOURS."
SO I DID.
THE BOLT LEFT THE BOW LIKE GOSSAMER
AND SPED A MILE THROUGH THE TREES
THEN KILLED A CHILD
WHO WAS PLAYING.
I REMEMBER THE QUEEN'S FACE
AS I PULLED THE BOLT FROM MY SON'S HEART.
AND SHE SAID
"YOU WILL BE MY HUNTSMAN."
SO YOU UNDERSTAND.
THE HUNT IS MY PURPOSE AND ONLY PLEASURE.
I HAVE NO INTEREST IN MERCY.
OH! WELL, HOW DO WE KNOW
YOU'RE NOT LYING ABOUT YOUR NAME?
HEY! THAT'S RIGHT. I COULD HAVE SAID IT ALREADY.
YOU HAVEN'T GUESSED MY NAME... NOT BY A LONG WAY.
LONG WAY. MY NAME...
IS IN MY HAT.
( no audio )
I MAY BE BLIND
BUT MY HEARING IS EXCELLENT.
MOVE ANY CLOSER...
AND I CHOP YOUR FRIEND'S HEAD OFF.
OH... OH...
YOU'RE A SICK PERVERT, HUH?
YOU'VE DONE THIS BEFORE.
HUNDREDS OF TIMES.
AND, UH... APPROXIMATELY
WHAT WAS THE PERCENTAGE OF CORRECT GUESSES?
NO ONE HAS EVER GUESSED.
OH!
YOUR MAJESTY?
ARE YOU THERE?
( horse whickers )
HELLO?
IS ANYONE THERE?
( high-pitched whine )
PRINCE WENDELL?
WHO IS THIS QUEEN?
HOW CAN YOU SERVE SOMEONE
THAT MADE YOU KILL YOUR OWN SON?
IT WAS MY DESTINY TO KILL MY SON.
IT WAS HER DESTINY TO ASK ME.
YOU'RE CRAZY.
EVERYBODY IN THIS WHOLE PLACE IS CRAZY!
WHATEVER IS MEANT TO HAPPEN WILL HAPPEN
NO MATTER WHAT WE DO.
IT IS MY DESTINY
TO KILL YOU NOW.
WHO ARE YOU?
I'M NOBODY.
I SWEAR, I'M NOBODY.
I WILL KILL YOU.
( clanging )
I HAVE A LITTLE BUSINESS
TO ATTEND TO.
WE WILL CONTINUE
OUR DISCUSSION LATER.
"THE MAD AXEMAN."
( growls )
I TOLD YOU
YOU'D NEVER GUESS.
OH, UM...
UH... UH, WAIT!
UH, UM...
Wolf: OH, HURRY UP.
IT'S FORMING IN MY MIND.
RUNNING OUT OF LOGS.
UM, UH... JUST A SECOND.
IT'S COMING, IT'S COMING.
TOO LATE.
NOW, I WILL HAVE YOUR FRIEND'S HEAD.
( Wolf yells )
JUST A MINUTE...
JULIET!
( groans )
( horse neighs )
( Virginia grunting )
( breathing heavily )
HI.
BECAUSE YOU HELPED US, WE WILL HELP YOU AGAIN
BUT THIS REALLY HAS TO BE THE LAST TIME.
YOU'RE SUCH A LOT OF TROUBLE.
OKAY.
PLEASE GO AND FIND MY FATHER AND WOLF
AND TELL THEM WHERE I AM.
TELL THEM TO COME AND GET ME.
BYE.
Wolf: AH, WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT IT?
JULIET, THE AXEMAN!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
IS IT ANY WONDER HE TURNED INTO A SICK SADIST?
I KNOW. PSST...
YOU, DOWN THERE.
IT'S ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE BIRDS.
I KNOW WHERE VIRGINIA IS.
WHERE?
SHE'S IN A TREE
THAT IS NOT A TREE...
IN A PLACE THAT IS NOT A PLACE.
ALL RIGHT, HOLD-HOLD-HOLD IT.
CAN WE JUST STOP WITH THE RHYMING CRAP?
TAKE US THERE!
OH! OH, COME ON! MOVE!
SHE'S INSIDE THIS TREE.
BYE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
INSIDE A TREE?
HOW COULD SHE BE INSIDE A TREE?
VIRGINIA!
ARE YOU UP THERE?
WOLF?
OH... IT'S HER. IT'S HER.
UM, HOW DO WE GET IN?
THERE'S A DOOR.
UM, ALL RIGHT.
A DOOR?
UM.... A DOOR? WHERE?
I DON'T SEE A DOOR.
THERE'S NO DOOR.
THERE'S DEFINITELY NO DOOR!
OH, IF HE'S CONCEALED IT WITH MAGIC
IT COULD TAKE WEEKS TO OPEN!
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST COME DOWN--
LET US IN FROM THE INSIDE?
WELL... HE'S CHAINED ME UP. I CAN'T.
CAN'T YOU CLIMB UP THE TREE?
WELL, THERE ARE NO FOOTHOLDS.
WELL, GET A LADDER OR SOMETHING.
WHERE AM I GOING TO GET A LADDER?
HOLD ON A SECOND.
IF THIS IS A MAGIC AXE
MAYBE I CAN CHOP THE TREE DOWN!
VIRGINIA, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
WHAT?
HOW LONG IS YOUR HAIR NOW?
UH, IT'S, UH, LONGER THAN EVER.
IT'S...
NO.
NO!
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
NO!
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THIS.
LOVE OF MY LIFE
LET DOWN YOUR LUSTROUS LOCKS.
OW!
( grunting )
OW!
LOOK OUT BELOW.
CLOSE YOUR EYES.
W-WHY? WHAT IS IT?
DANDRUFF.
I DO NOT HAVE DAN... OW!
OH, SOME PEOPLE CAN'T TAKE A JOKE.
OH, WHAT A MOMENT IN MY LIFE.
MY SECOND OPPORTUNITY TO SAVE YOU.
MY STORY WILL BE IMMORTALIZED
IN SONG-- THERE'S NO QUESTION OF THAT.
( gasps )
I FOUND ANOTHER GRAY ONE.
OH!
( grunts )
¶ TA-DA.
OW!
BE CAREFUL YOU DON'T TRIP OVER YOUR HAIR.
NO KIDDING.
STAY BACK, VIRGINIA. STAY BACK!
VIRGINIA!
( growls )
VIRGINIA!
GET THE AXE!
DAD, GIVE ME THE AXE!
CHOP HIS HEAD OFF!
STICK IT IN HIS BACK! ANYTHING!
DO IT!
OKAY!
( yells )
SORRY.
WILL SOMEBODY MOVE THIS DOOR?
MY ARM IS SQUASHED!
VIRGINIA, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YES.
WHAT IS THIS PLACE?
IT'S A BAD PLACE!
LET'S GO.
GOOD IDEA.
OH, WAIT, WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE HIM LIKE THIS.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
GIVE ME THE AXE.
I'LL DO IT.
WAIT! WE CAN'T KILL HIM.
OF COURSE WE CAN. HE'D KILL US.
HE'S HELPLESS.
EXACTLY WHY WE SHOULD KILL HIM NOW!
WOLF, NO!
HE'S GOING TO COME AFTER US.
I DON'T CARE.
WE'RE NOT KILLING HIM.
( grunts )
YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET THIS MOMENT.
COME ON.
AW!
( delighted laughter )
HEY, BOY, WELCOME BACK.
TIME FOR WALKIES.
OH, HEY.
HOW DID THE HAIRCUT GO?
WELL... UH...
I THINK I MIGHT HAVE OVERDONE THE AXE TRIM A LITTLE.
WH...? I DON'T...
WHAT'S...?
DON'T SAY A WORD.
OH, MY...
W-WHAT...?
( yelling and screaming )
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
YOU ARE INVITING TROUBLE.
I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING...
WAR IS GREAT FUN WHEN THERE'S NO ENEMY.
YOU'RE VERY STUPID.
EVEN FOR A TROLL.
WENDELL'S KINGDOM BORDERS ALL THE OTHERS.
THEY WILL NOT LET IT FALL WITHOUT A FIGHT.
THE OTHER KINGDOMS WILL SEND IN TROOPS
AND CRUSH YOU!
THEN I'LL KILL THEM ALL.
I'M NOT SCARED OF ANYBODY.
LISTEN TO ME.
I WILL GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU DESIRE
BUT YOU MUST LEAVE BEANTOWN NOW!
BEANTOWN'S OLD NEWS.
WE'VE GOT CONTROL OF EVERY VILLAGE 20 MILES FROM HERE
AND IT'S NOT STOPPING THERE.
I'M TAKING MY HALF OF THE KINGDOM RIGHT NOW.
WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING OF IT?
( laughs )
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
THAT'S ACORN'S WAGON.
THAT'S IT, THAT'S HIM.
WE'RE GOING HOME.
BRING PRINCE.
Virginia: OKAY. YOU TALK.
AH, HI, ACORN.
HI.
REMEMBER ME?
ANTONY. YOU GOT OUT OF PRISON.
HOW, UH...
UNLIKELY.
WHERE'S OUR MIRROR?
MIRROR?
IT BELONGS TO US.
WAS IT VALUABLE, THEN?
NO, IT'S WORTHLESS.
YOU'VE COME AN AWFUL LONG WAY
TO GET BACK
A WORTHLESS MIRROR.
IT'S A MAGIC MIRROR.
WE TRAVELED HERE THROUGH IT
AND WE'VE BEEN TRAPPED HERE EVER SINCE.
LOOK, ALL WE WANT TO DO IS GO HOME.
WE WON'T TAKE THE MIRROR, OKAY?
WE'LL JUST USE IT TO GO HOME
AND THEN, YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH IT.
I'M MOVED BY WHAT YOU SAY.
THEN PLEASE, LET US GO HOME.
BUT I DON'T HAVE IT ANYMORE.
I'M AFRAID I SWAPPED IT
WITH SOMEONE IN THE VILLAGE
NOT HALF AN HOUR AGO.
SWAPPED IT?
SWAPPED IT FOR WHAT?
( baaing )
Queen: WOLF...
WOLF.
WOLF...
WOLF, DO YOU THINK YOU CAN SIMPLY IGNORE ME?
I'VE CHANGED.
I AM NO LONGER UNDER YOUR INFLUENCE.
YOU CANNOT TOUCH ME.
OH, REALLY?
IT'S A FULL MOON TONIGHT.
YOUR BLOOD IS ALREADY HOT.
YOU ARE A WOLF.
WHAT WILL YOU DO WHEN THE WILD MOON CALLS YOU?
WHAT WILL YOU DO THEN
TO YOUR NEW FRIENDS?
I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD GO INTO THIS VILLAGE.
THIS IS WHERE ACORN SAID THE MIRROR WAS.
A WOLF GOES BY HIS INSTINCTS
AND I DON'T LIKE IT.
I MEAN, THIS IS FARMING LAND
AND FARMERS DON'T LIKE WOLFIES.
HUFF PUFF, NO SIRREE.
WHY DON'T WE STOP FOR BREAKFAST
AND THINK ABOUT WHAT TO DO?
YOU HAD BREAKFAST.
THEN I WANT ANOTHER BREAKFAST!
WHAT ARE YOU, MY MOTHER?
YOU TELL ME WHEN I CAN EAT OR NOT?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST DRAW UP A LIST OF THINGS
I CAN AND CAN'T DO.
WE'RE GOING INTO THE VILLAGE.
END OF DISCUSSION.
YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU LIKE.
VIRGINIA, PLEASE FORGIVE ME.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE SO RUDE.
IT'S JUST THAT MY CYCLE IS COMING ON.
ONCE A MONTH, I GET VERY IRRATIONAL AND ANGRY
AND I WANT TO PICK A FIGHT
WITH ANYONE WHO COMES NEAR ME.
SOUNDS FAMILIAR.
I'LL BE PERFECTLY, PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT
IF YOU JUST KEEP ME AWAY FROM TEMPTATION.
YOU KNOW, I GET LIKE THAT, TOO, SOMETIMES.
OH.
LOOK AT THOSE SHEEP.
TROLLOPS.
IT SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED.
( gasps )
MORNING.
MY NAME'S SALLY PEEP.
I'M A SHEPHERDESS.
THERE'S NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT.
MY, WHAT HAIRY, STRONG ARMS YOU'VE GOT.
IF MY DOOR WASN'T LOCKED
I'D BE SCARED
YOU'D COME INTO MY HOUSE
AND HUFF AND PUFF
AND BLOW ALL MY CLOTHES OFF.
( huffs )
WHERE DO YOU LIVE, SALLY?
OKAY, LET'S GO.
( giggling )
Man: WELCOME, ONE AND ALL
TO THE SECOND DAY OF THE LITTLE LAMB VILLAGE ANNUAL COMPETITION.
WELL, IT'S A NEW DAY TODAY AND A NEW COMPETITION.
THE BEST RADISH IN THE VILLAGE.
MRS. MORRIS, THESE RADISHES ARE BEAUTIFUL.
I GIVE THEM NINE OUT OF TEN.
BUT THE PEEP'S RADISHES...
BLESS ME, THEY'VE DONE IT AGAIN.
THEY'RE OUT OF THIS WORLD.
I'VE GOT TO GIVE THEM TEN OUT OF TEN.
GORDON PEEP THE GROCER
COME UP AND GET YOUR NINTH AWARD TODAY.
CONFOUND IT. THE PEEPS HAVE DONE IT AGAIN.
THEY'RE JUST BEST AT EVERYTHING.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IN AN HOUR'S TIME
I'LL ANNOUNCE THE WINNER OF BEST CHEESE IN THE VILLAGE.
( applause )
EXCUSE ME.
CAN YOU TELL ME WHO'S IN CHARGE AROUND HERE?
I AM THE VILLAGE IDIOT, AND I AM IN CHARGE
OF THE WISHING WELL.
DO WE HAVE MAGNETS IN OUR POCKETS?
HOW DO WE ATTRACT PEOPLE LIKE THIS?
IT'S A NICE DOG
YOU GOT THERE.
HE REMINDS ME OF SOMEONE.
Tony: WHAT'S THAT FOR?
Idiot: THAT'S THE VILLAGE'S PRESENT
FOR PRINCE WENDELL.
IT'S TO BE HIS CORONATION CLOAK.
I HOPE HE LIKES IT.
AREN'T YOU GOING TO MAKE A WISH, THEN?
IT'S VERY BAD LUCK TO PASS WITHOUT MAKING A WISH.
THAT'S MONEY WE SHOULDN'T BE WASTING.
OH, YOU ARE SO PRIM.
BUT MY WISH WILL CHANGE ALL OF THAT.
( coins clank )
IT DON'T WORK.
IT USED TO BE A REAL MAGIC WISHING WELL.
AND FOLKS, THEY TRAVELED
FROM ALL OVER THE KINGDOMS TO HAVE THINGS BLESSED IN IT.
IT'S ALL DRIED UP NOW.
IT HASN'T FLOWED FOR YEARS.
I HAVE MADE IT
MY LIFE'S WORK...
AS FASCINATING AS YOUR STORY IS
WE'RE ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR A MIRROR.
ABOUT SO BIG, BLACK.
WE WERE TOLD THAT SOMEONE BOUGHT IT
OFF OF ACORN THE DWARF.
MM-HMM.
I HAVE MADE IT MY LIFE'S WORK
TO WAIT BY THIS WELL UNTIL IT FILLS UP AGAIN.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?
IT'S NO USE, THE MAN IS A COMPLETE IDIOT.
IF ONLY.
NOW MY FATHER, HE WAS A COMPLETE IDIOT.
I'M STILL A HALF-WIT.
EVERYWHERE IS FULL, WHAT WITH THE ANNUAL VILLAGE COMPETITION.
BUT YOU CAN STAY HERE, IF YOU LIKE.
MIGHT NOT BE POSH, LIKE WHAT YOU'RE USED TO.
OH.
IT STINKS.
IT'S GREAT. THANK YOU.
BY THE WAY, DO YOU KNOW OF ANYBODY
THAT'S BOUGHT A MIRROR
FROM A TRAVELING TRADER RECENTLY?
OH? AH!
YOU'LL WANT TO TALK TO THE LOCAL JUDGE.
HE BOUGHT A LOAD OF THINGS OFF THAT DWARF.
PRIZES FOR THE COMPETITION.
YOU'LL FIND HIM IN THE INN OVER THE ROAD.
THEY DO LOVELY FOOD THERE, TOO.
WELL, THAT'S THE UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR.
THANKS.
( groaning in pain )
WHAT'S WRONG?
OH! DOG... CRAMPS!
( whimpering )
I NEED TO...
I NEED TO GO TO BED.
I NEED TO LIE DOWN IMMEDIATELY.
( groaning )
I NEED A... I WANT A...
I NEED A HOT RABBIT TO STROKE.
TO COMFORT ME.
A LONG-EARED RABBIT IS BEST.
NOW!
UH... NOW.
RIGHT NOW.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RUNNING A TERRIBLE TEMPERATURE.
OH, THEY LOOK SO INNOCENT, DON'T THEY?
BUT THEY'RE NOT!
THEY'RE PROVOCATIVE
TEASING LITTLE FLUFF BALLS.
( gasping )
JUST LOOK AT HER BEADY LITTLE EYES.
SHE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT SHE'S DOING.
DON'T YOU?
YOU JUST FEEL REALLY HOT.
OH, STOP FUSSING OVER ME!
YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!
STOP MOTHERING AND SMOTHERING AND CUBBER-LOVING EVERYBODY
LIKE A LITTLE DWARF HOUSEWIFE!
GO OUT! LEAVE ME ALONE!
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING TO MY DAUGHTER LIKE THAT FOR?
I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THAT KIND...
( women screaming )
WOLF! WOLF! WO...
( festive music )
( cheering )
( clamoring )
I'M THE WOLF!
LET'S GO SEE WHAT THAT IS.
YOU STAY WITH ME.
YEAH.
( growls )
( laughing and yelling )
I AM THE WOLF.
COME ON. COME ON.
THAT'S THE PLACE FOR US.
MM, THESE POTATOES...
DID YOU TRY THE SQUASH?
IT'S ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE.
I KNOW.
THAT'S IT.
HMM?
VIRGINIA, LOOK.
TOMORROW'S COMPETITION.
DAD, LOOK.
THE MIRROR IS ONE OF THE PRIZES.
SHEEP AND SHEPHERDESS COMPETITION. HMM.
WE'VE GOT TO TALK TO THE JUDGE.
I KNOW.
HERE WE ARE, MY DEARS.
UH-HUH. IS THE JUDGE ABOUT?
THE JUDGE WILL BE IN FOR HIS DINNER, 8:00 ON THE DOT.
THERE ARE SOME MORE LOVELY VEGETABLES
FOR YOU.
JUST KEEP IT COMING.
IT'S INCREDIBLE.
THIS CIDER-- I DON'T EVEN LIKE CIDER--
I'VE HAD FIVE PINTS.
THAT CIDER COMES FROM YOUNG COLIN PEEP'S APPLES.
AND THE LAMB WAS REARED BY MY BROTHER, LARRY PEEP.
EVERYTHING YOU'RE EATING
COMES FROM US PEEPS.
BEST FARMING FAMILY
IN THE WHOLE OF THE NINE KINGDOMS
IF I SAY IT MESELF.
WELL, YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD AND SAY IT.
WHAT IS YOUR SECRET?
OH, I SUPPOSE WE'RE JUST GOOD FARMERS.
( chuckles )
( gasping )
OH, START WITHOUT ME, WHY DON'T YOU?
HI.
SHOULDN'T YOU BE IN BED?
BED?! NO!
I FEEL BOUNDING WITH ENERGY.
I FEEL FULL OF LIFE.
WHERE'S THE RABBIT?
WHAT RABBIT'S THAT?
THE ONE I GAVE YOU TO CUDDLE.
MM! MM!
GOODNESS ME, I THINK SHE MUST'VE HOPPED AWAY.
( grunting )
OH, YOU'VE GOT AN APPETITE LIKE A WOLF, YOU HAVE.
( growling )
OH, BY THE WAY, FOLKS, JUDGE HAS JUST WALKED IN
IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO HIM.
OH, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
( grunting )
SO, YOU CAN SEE, SIR, THAT, IN A WAY
THIS MIRROR REALLY IS, ACTUALLY, OURS.
YEAH.
NO, IT'S NOT.
I BOUGHT THAT FAIR AND SQUARE.
I BUY A WHOLE BATCH OF THINGS EVERY YEAR
FOR THE VILLAGE PRIZES.
UM... RIGHT.
YOU KNOW... YOU KNOW, YOUR HONOR, I KNOW
HOW THESE THINGS USUALLY WORK, SO, UM...
HOW ABOUT I SLIP YOU A FEW GOLD COINS...
I'M A JUDGE.
I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE TRYING TO BRIBE ME.
OH, I...
NOW, NOT ANOTHER WORD
OR I'LL HAVE YOU THROWN OUT OF THE VILLAGE.
¶ NOW IS THE MONTH OF MAYING
¶ WHEN MERRY LAMBS ARE PLAYING
( yodeling )
¶ EACH WITH HIS BONNY LASS...
( gasping )
YOU'RE NEW, AREN'T YOU?
YEAH.
I CAN'T GET THESE SHERBET DIPS UNDONE.
COULD YOU HELP ME, MISTER...?
WELL, I, UM...
YEAH, WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
WOLFSON.
WOLF... SON.
( giggling )
WARREN WOLFSON.
IT'S MY 18th BIRTHDAY TODAY.
BET YOU CAN'T GUESS WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN
TO ME TONIGHT.
( gasping )
IS IT THE BUMPS?
WHAT'S THAT STICKING OUT
THE BACK OF YOUR TROUSERS?
DOWN THERE, AT THE BACK?
IT'S QUITE A BULGE.
AH...
WELL...
I MUST GET GOING.
I THINK I LEFT A CHOP ON MY PLATE.
NO OUTSIDERS MESS WITH PEEP GIRLS.
YOU UNDERSTAND?
YEAH.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING AROUND HERE ANYWAY, MR. WOLFSON?
WELL, I... UH-UH-UH.
LET'S TAKE HIM OUT BACK.
( groaning )
EXCUSE ME.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY HUSBAND?
YOUR HUSBAND?
YES. HE'S NOT AT ALL WELL TODAY
AND I MUST TAKE HIM HOME RIGHT NOW.
THANKS. GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
OH, VIRGINIA, WHEN YOU SAID I WAS YOUR HUSBAND
I WENT ALL HARD AND SOFT AT THE SAME TIME.
I ONLY SAID THAT TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE.
COME ON.
VIRGINIA, I FEEL SO ALIVE.
I CAN SEE EVERYTHING FOR MILES.
AW... OH...
LOOK AT THE MOON.
DOESN'T IT JUST WANT TO MAKE YOU HOWL?
IT'S SO-O-O-O-O BEAUTIFUL.
NOT REALLY.
MY MAMA WAS OBSESSED WITH THE MOON.
SHE USED TO DRAG US ALL OUT JUST TO WATCH IT
WHEN WE WERE CUBS.
( sighing )
¶ SHEPHERDESS MAKES QUITE A MESS ¶
¶ BUT LITTLE LAMBS ARE LOVELY.
THE MOON MAKES ME HUNGRY FOR EVERYTHING.
TIME TO GO TO SLEEP.
GOOD NIGHT, THEN.
GOOD NIGHT.
WATCH YOUR STEP.
NOT A BAD PLACE.
BOY, TH-THAT CIDER WAS SOMETHING-- TEN PINTS.
HEY... WANT TO GO FOR WALKIES?
( bird calling )
LOOK, YES, ALL RIGHT?
I FEEL GUILTY
ABOUT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU, ALL RIGHT?
BUT IF I GOT YOU INTO THIS MESS, THEN, I'LL GET YOU OUT, OKAY?
HEY.
( whispering )
( hinges squeaking )
( door shutting )
( whispering ): WAIT HERE.
AND WHERE'S THE BIRTHDAY GIRL, THEN?
WHY DO YOU THINK
EVERYTHING THE PEEPS MAKE TASTES SO GOOD
SALLY SHEPHERDESS?
( chuckling ): I DON'T RIGHT AS KNOW.
USED TO BE THAT THERE WAS A MAGIC WELL IN TOWN
BUT... WELL'S DRIED UP.
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.
DO THEY, NOW?
WELL...
SINCE YOU'RE 18...
I'M GOING TO LET YOU IN ON THE FAMILY SECRET.
GO ON, BOYS.
( owl hooting softly )
THE REASON THERE'S NO MORE MAGIC WATER IN THE VILLAGE WELL
IS 'CAUSE ME AND MY BROTHER
DIVERTED THE STREAM
40 YEARS AGO.
THE PEEPS HAVE ALL THE MAGIC NOW!
( hooting continuing )
LET'S HAVE A LOOK AT YOUR SHEEP.
UGLY BUGGER, ISN'T HE?
CAN'T SEE HIM WINNING YOU
THE LOVELY SHEPHERDESS COMPETITION.
WHAT DO YOU WASH IN MY MAGIC WATERS?
FILL THIS SHEEP
WITH YOUR GOODNESS AND LIFE.
( churning and rumbling )
( Sally gasps )
( bleating )
( laughing excitedly )
Sally: OH!
WILF
IT'S AMAZING.
( laughs )
DON'T... YOU... NEVER...
BREATHE A WORD TO ANYONE
OR I'LL CUT YOUR THROAT--
GRANDCHILD OR NO GRANDCHILD.
( hinges creak )
( panting )
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU DO TO ME?
YOU WILL NEVER KNOW LOVE LIKE MINE.
WOLF... I AM YOUR MATE FOR LIFE!
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
I KNOW YOU'RE...
OH, YOU KNOW, DO YOU?
AH, YOU KNOW EVERYTHING.
YOU'RE LITTLE MISS PERFECT--
STICKS UP HER HAND AND CAN ANSWER EVERY QUESTION
BUT KNOWS NOTHING.
YOU'RE PRETENDING TO LIVE, VIRGINIA.
YOU'RE DOING EVERYTHING
BUT ACTUALLY LIVING!
YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!
STOP BULLYING ME.
I DON'T LIKE IT.
NOW, GO TO BED.
NOW.
OR WHAT?
WILL YOU SCREAM?
THAT'S WHAT MOST PEOPLE DO WHEN THEY SEE A WOLF.
THEY SCREAM-- SCREAM AND SCREAM.
( gasping ): WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO
STICK IT IN ME?
THAT'S WHAT EVERYBODY DOES WHEN THERE'S A WOLF AROUND.
THEY STICK IT
AND THEY STAB IT
AND THEY SMOKE IT OUT!
OH, THEY BURNT MY PARENTS GOOD, OH, YES!
THE GOOD PEOPLE
THE NICE FARMERS, THEY MADE A GREAT BIG FIRE
AND BURNT THEM BOTH.
( snarls )
Tony: HEY!
YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO GUESS WHAT I FOUND.
I KNOW WHY THE PEEPS WIN EVERYTHING.
( grunting )
( Wolf running )
HE LOOKS BETTER.
FINE MESS, FINE MESS, FINE MESS.
NOW, SHE HATES YOU.
OH, NOW, SHE HATES YOU
OH, BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ANIMAL
OH, AND YOU DESERVE IT.
YOU'RE A NASTY...
NASTY ANIMAL.
OH, NASTY!
NASTY ANIMAL!
ANIMAL!
WHO ARE YOUR COMPANIONS?
I'M NOT TELLING YOU ANYTHING ABOUT HER!
"HER"?
( grunting angrily )
WHAT'S SHE LIKE?
IS SHE... TASTY?
YOU'RE EVIL.
YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME!
LOOK AT THE MOON
AND, THEN, TELL ME WHAT YOU'D REALLY LIKE
TO DO TO HER
AND LET THE WOLF OUT.
( yelling )
( horse whinnying )
( bleating )
( rooster crowing )
HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
( shrieks )
HEY!
DON'T SCARE IT.
IT TOOK ME ALMOST THREE HOURS TO CATCH IT.
WHY HAVE YOU STOLEN A SHEEP?
FOR THE COMPETITION-- THE BEAUTIFUL SHEEP
AND SHEPHERDESS COMPETITION.
( laughing ): OH, NO.
YES, YES, YES.
HOW ELSE ARE WE GOING TO GET OUR HANDS
ON THAT MIRROR?
I AM NOT A SHEPHERDESS.
I'M A WAITRESS.
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SHEEP.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF MY PLAN.
WELL, THIS SHEEP SUCKS.
THIS ISN'T GOING TO WIN ANYTHING.
IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S ABOUT TO DIE.
Tony: WELL, IT WON'T ONCE IT HAS A TRIP
DOWN THE MAGIC WISHING WELL.
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN
YOU GET BUSY MAKING YOUR COSTUME.
I'M GOING TO GO GET IT DIPPED.
MY "COSTUME"?
WELL, YEAH, YEAH.
LOOK...
WHO WOULD'VE EVER THOUGHT THESE USED TO BE CURTAINS?
NOW, COME ON, HURRY UP...
AND WATCH PRINCE.
( rooster crowing )
( horse nickering )
( cows mooing )
( gasping )
HELLO.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
( shudders )
OH, NOT-NOT TOO GOOD.
EVERYTHING'S...
HAZY AT THE MOMENT.
OH, I-I MUST FIGHT WHAT I AM.
( panting ): I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT I'VE DONE!
YOU'D BETTER TIE ME UP.
THAT WAY, I CAN'T ESCAPE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, TIE YOU UP?
TIE ME UP! STOP ME ESCAPING!
WHICH PART DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!
ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, TIGHTER.
TIGHTER.
IF I STRUGGLE, I CAN GET FREE.
YES, TIGHTER.
( sighing )
WHAT'S THE WORST THING YOU'VE EVER DONE?
TIGHTER...
OR I'LL EAT YOU UP.
( crows cawing )
Sally: WOLF!
WOLF! WOLF!
WOLF!
NO! WOLF!
CHECK THE CHICKENS.
THEY'VE BEEN TORN APART!
( grunts angrily )
( gasping )
( creaking )
( panting )
( water splashing )
( gasps )
( gasping fearfully )
KILL THE GIRL.
NO!
( crying )
GET ME THE DOG.
( snarling and groaning )
DO IT!
( growling )
( growling continuing )
( roaring )
DUE TO THE APPALLING CHICKEN MASSACRE THIS MORNING
WE'RE BRINGING FORWARD
THE BEAUTIFUL SHEPHERDESS COMPETITION
THE PRIZE FOR WHICH IS A TROPHY
AND THIS LOVELY OLD MIRROR.
( applause and cheers )
Woman: LOOK, LOOK, LOOK!
Crowd: WHOA! WHOA!
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
YOU'RE NOT LOCAL.
YOU LITTLE GOBLIN.
DON'T YOU DARE.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
( chuckling )
WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS RIGHT, HUH?
HOLD ON.
Magic Well: WHAT DO YOU WASH
IN MY MAGIC WATER?
UM, THE SAME AS YOU DID FOR THE PEEPS.
I WANT A BEAUTIFUL SHEEP.
( bleating )
NOW, IT'S TIME FOR THE WELL OF FORTUNE.
( chuckling )
NOW WE'VE GOT...
THREE CONTESTANTS.
OH, GRACIOUS ME.
WELL, THE MORE THE MERRIER, I SAY.
UH, WHERE'S YOUR SHEEP, MISS?
OH, HE'S ON HIS WAY.
Sally: ¶ SHE HASN'T
¶ GOT ONE.
I DO, TOO. HE'S...
HE'S JUST IN THE BARN.
WELL, GO AND FETCH HIM, GIRL, AND SMARTISH, TOO
ELSE I SHALL HAVE TO DISQUALIFY YOU.
NOW TO START THE COMPETITION
I'M GOING TO ASK ALL ENTRANTS, AS IS THE AGE-OLD CUSTOM
TO SING THEIR FAVORITE SHEEP SONG.
YOUNG MARY RAMLEY, WILL YOU START US OFF?
( applause )
¶ BAA, BAA, BLACK SHEEP, HAVE YOU ANY WOOL... ¶
Tony: OH, HEY, HEY!
DAD, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
( chuckling ) THIS IS A MIRROR- WINNING SHEEP.
OH, MY GOD, DAD, WHAT SHEEP SONGS
DO YOU KNOW?
"BAA, BAA, BLACK SHEEP."
SHE'S ALREADY DOING THAT.
I DON'T KNOW, JUST...
WELL, JUST PICK ANY SONG.
JUST PUT SHEEP WORDS TO IT.
THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO WIN.
VIRGINIA, LISTEN TO YOUR FATHER.
IF YOU EVER WANT TO GO HOME AGAIN
DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
TO WIN THIS COMPETITION.
( screaming )
¶ LITTLE BO PEEP HAS LOST HER SHEEP ¶
¶ AND DOESN'T KNOW WHERE
¶ TO FIND THEM
¶ LEAVE THEM ALONE
¶ AND THEY'LL COME HOME
¶ WAGGING THEIR TAILS BEHIND THEM. ¶
( cheering and applause )
( sheep bleating )
Judge: AND NOW
CONTESTANT NUMBER THREE.
( crowd murmuring )
( singing to the tune of "Champions of the World" )
¶ BUDDY, YOU'RE A LAMB, MAKE A BIG BLEAT ¶
¶ PLAYING IN THE FIELDS, GONNA BE A BIG RAM ¶
¶ SOMEDAY
¶ YOU GOT WOOL
¶ ON YOUR FACE, YOU BIG DISGRACE ¶
¶ WAVING YOUR...
¶ FLEECE ALL OVER THE PLACE
¶ SINGING WE WILL
¶ WE WILL... SHEAR YOU
SING IT!
¶ BUDDY, YOU'RE A YOUNG EWE LOOK AT YOU ¶
¶ PLAYING IN THE FIELDS, GONNA BE A BIG RAM SOMEDAY ¶
¶ YOU GOT WOOL ON YOUR FACE, YOU BIG DISGRACE ¶
¶ WAVING YOUR FLEECE ALL OVER THE PLACE ¶
All: ¶ SINGING WE WILL
¶ WE WILL SHEAR YOU
YES!
¶ SINGING WE WILL, WE WILL SHEAR YOU... ¶
KEEP IT UNDER CONTROL.
( panting )
OH, TIME TO KILL, TIME TO KILL.
OH, GOT TO...
OH, IF I STAY, NOTHING TO DO.
( Wolf panting )
NO, NO, I AM SERENE.
I AM CALM AND SERENE.
I AM VERY, VERY SERENE.
( gasps )
I AM VERY, VERY SERENELY...
HUNGRY.
THREE BEAUTIFUL GIRLS
AND THREE BEAUTIFUL LAMBS.
THIS IS THE HARDEST COMPETITION
TO JUDGE SO FAR BY A LONG CHALK.
I GIVE MARY EIGHT OUT OF TEN
AND A WELL-EARNED THIRD PLACE.
( applause )
BOTH THESE LAMBS
ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.
HOW DO I MAKE A DECISION?
I'VE GOT TO GIVE SALLY PEEP TEN OUT OF TEN.
( screams )
BUT THEN, I ALSO HAVE TO GIVE
VIRGINIA LEWIS TEN OUT OF TEN
AS WELL.
( cheering )
Man: A TIE? WE CAN'T HAVE A TIE.
SOMEONE HAS TO WIN.
Sally: I HAVE TO WIN.
PEEPS ALWAYS WIN.
HOW ABOUT IF YOU GET A TROPHY
AND I GET THE MIRROR?
THEY'RE BOTH MINE!
SHE SHOULDN'T EVEN BE ALLOWED TO TAKE PART.
IT'S NOT FAIR.
WHY ARE YOU GIVING
AN OUTSIDER TEN OUT OF TEN?
SHE'S A DIRTY CHEAT.
GIVE THE PRIZE TO MY GIRL.
BACK OFF!
BACK OFF, I SAID!
NOW, LOOK...
THIS IS A SHEPHERDESS COMPETITION.
WE SET UP
AN OBSTACLE COURSE.
AND WHOEVER GUIDES HER SHEEP INTO THE PEN
IN THE SHORTEST TIME IS THE WINNER
USING ONLY SHEEP DOGS AND COMMANDS.
SOUND FAIR ENOUGH?
YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
NO. I DON'T HAVE A SHEEP DOG.
'SPECT I'LL WIN THEN, WON'T I?
( laughing )
DAMN, DAMN!
WHERE AM I GOING TO FIND A SHEEP DOG?
Man: EXCUSE ME.
PLEASE, ALL RIGHT?
I'M TRYING TO THINK HERE.
YOU'VE GOT A DOG.
I DON'T HAVE A... THAT DOG?
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE NOTICED
BUT THAT DOG...
THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE AN ABSOLUTE GENIUS.
GO, GO.
MAGIC WISHING WELL, PLEASE USE YOUR MAGIC...
WHATEVER... WATER...
TO BRING BACK TO LIFE THIS POOR DOG
TRAPPED IN A GOLD BODY.
OH, NO. NOT YOU AGAIN.
Judge: EACH GIRL STANDS THIS END OF THE VILLAGE
AND CAN ONLY USE HER SHEPHERDING SKILLS
WITH HER DOG.
ARE YOU READY, SALLY?
STARTING... NOW!
( whistling )
( crowd cheering encouragement )
( bleating )
MOVING UP TO 30.
LET IT HAVE WORKED, GOD, PLEASE.
LET ONE THING HAVE GONE RIGHT.
OH, NO!
IT DIDN'T WORK.
( crowd cheering )
PEN'S CLOSED.
DONE IN A SPLENDID COUNT OF 85.
( cheering )
PRINCE, COME ON, COME ON.
OH, LOOK, LOOK, PRINCE, PRINCE.
FETCH!
OH, HO!
YES, YES!
( laughing )
OH, YES!
YES, YES, YES!
WELCOME BACK
PRINCEY BOY!
( snarling )
OW!
MORON!
OW, OW, OW, OW!
WHY DID YOU TURN ME INTO GOLD?
IT WAS A HEAT OF THE MOMENT KIND OF THING.
I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU FROM THOSE TROLLS.
OH, YOU REALLY ARE THE MOST INCOMPETENT MANSERVANT
I'VE EVER HAD.
YOU ARE A COMPLETE IMBECILE.
WHAT ARE YOU?
ALL RIGHT, I REALLY NEED
YOUR HELP HERE, OKAY?
TIME STARTS NOW.
COME ON, LAMB!
COME ON, LAMBEY.
COME ON. COME ON.
( bleating )
( snapping fingers )
( whistling )
COME HERE, LAMB.
COME ON, LAMBEY.
COME ON, LAMB!
COME HERE, LAMBEY!
COME ON! COME ON!
COMING UP TO 30.
COME HERE, LAMB, COME ON, COME ON.
COME ON, LAMBEY, COME ON!
AW...
( whistling )
TOUGH LUCK, HARD CHEESE.
SALLY IS THE WINNER.
COMING UP TO 50...
( crowd gasps )
COME ALONG, PINKEY, HURRY UP.
THAT'S IT.
STUPID LITTLE SHEEP, HURRY UP!
W-WHERE'D HE COME FROM?
AH! GO, PRINCE, GO!
COUNT OF 70!
HURRY UP, OR I'LL BITE YOU.
GET IN THAT PEN
YOU DISGUSTING LITTLE WOOLLY JUMPER!
81, TWO...
PEN'S CLOSED.
...THREE!
VIRGINIA
THE SHEPHERDESS IS THIS YEAR'S WINNER!
OH, YEAH!
( screaming ): NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
Man: I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY
WHEN A PEEP GOT BEAT.
COME AND GET YOUR PRIZE, LASS.
( crowd cheers )
( Sally whining )
THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.
IT WAS A TEAM EFFORT.
NO ONE PERSON COULD DO IT.
BYE-BYE.
Sally: NO!
YOU LIED TO ME, GRAMP.
YOU SAID I COULDN'T FAIL TO WIN.
WELL, THAT LITTLE WITCH MUST HAVE GOT TO OUR WELL SOMEHOW.
IT'S THE ONLY EXPLANATION.
YOU'VE MADE ME LOOK A FOOL
IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE VILLAGE!
I CAN MAKE YOU SUFFER FOR THIS, WILF!
( sobbing )
( growling )
( snarling )
Tony: COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.
HOW COME IT'S NOT SHOWING OUR WORLD?
I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS TALKING TO PRINCE.
Prince: BECAUSE IT'S NOT TURNED ON.
THERE'S PROBABLY A SECRET CATCH SOMEWHERE.
HE SAID IT'S PROBABLY NOT TURNED ON.
WELL, HOW DID YOU
GET THROUGH IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?
I FELL ON IT.
IT CAN'T BE
THAT HARD TO FIND.
I DON'T...
WHAT'S THIS?
IT'S CENTRAL PARK.
THAT'S WOLMAN RINK.
Sally: WOLF!
( screaming )
SALLY PEEP'S BEEN MURDERED!
CAUGHT HIM RED-HANDED!
Wolf: I WAS TRYING TO GET THOSE SHEEP TO THE SIDE.
I DIDN'T DO NOTHING!
SALLY PEEP'S BEEN MURDERED!
( groaning )
MAKE WAY FOR THE MURDERER!
BURN HIM!
VIRGINIA!
VIRGINIA...
I DIDN'T DO NOTHING!
VIRGINIA!
VIRGINIA...
( grunts )
Soldier: HALT!
( groaning )
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YOUR MAJESTY...?
MIRROR... MIRROR.
FIND ME A MIRROR.
FIND A MIRROR!
THE MAN IS AN IDIOT.
HE'S CAUSING ME SO MUCH TROUBLE.
YOU'RE DEAD!
YOU HEAR ME!
NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, YOU'RE DEAD!
CEASE FIGHTING IMMEDIATELY
OR YOU WILL BE OVERRUN AND WE WILL LOSE THIS KINGDOM!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!
I'M TAKING THE KINGDOM!
THEN I'M COMING FOR YOU, YOU EVIL PIG!
BEHOLD THE TROLL KING'S LATEST ADVANCE.
HE'S RAVAGING THE KINGDOM.
IT LOOKS LIKE
SOME AWFUL DISEASE.
SURELY THE TROLLS ARE NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO...
TO SEIZE THE ENTIRE KINGDOM.
WELL, WHO WILL STOP THEM?
IF NO ONE ELSE WILL SAY IT, THEN I WILL.
WHERE IS WENDELL IN OUR HOUR OF NEED?
WHERE IS HE?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PERFORMING
PREARRANGED ACTS OF BRAVERY BEFORE HIS CORONATION
AND NOW THERE'S A REAL CRISIS, HE'S JUST RUN AWAY.
HE'S...
HE'S NOT FIT TO BE KING.
WRITE THAT DOWN.
PUT IT DOWN.
PUT IT DOWN!
SIRS, FORGIVE ME.
I HAVE THE MOST DREADFUL NEWS.
WHAT IS IT?
VISCOUNT LANSKY'S HORSE
HAS RETURNED FROM THE GREAT FOREST
RIDERLESS.
GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE RUN OUT OF OPTIONS.
WE MUST ACCEPT MILITARY ASSISTANCE
FROM THE FIRST AND NINTH KINGDOMS TO PROTECT OUR PEOPLE.
THE PRICE OF THEIR AID, HOWEVER, IS INDEED HIGH.
THE FOURTH KINGDOM WILL BE DIVIDED INTO QUARTERS
AND RUN BY THE COUNCIL OF THE NINE KINGDOMS
IN PERPETUITY, AND WENDELL WILL FOREGO ANY CHANCE
OF EVER TAKING THE THRONE.
NO!
I WILL NOT ACCEPT IT!
I'VE BEEN PLANNING THIS CORONATION FOR 3½ YEARS!
FORGET THE CORONATION, LORD RUPERT!
WE MUST SIGN AWAY SOVEREIGNTY OR LOSE EVERYTHING.
All: BURN HIM! BURN THE WOLF!
VIRGINIA, THERE'S BEEN A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
LOOK, WOLF
WE'RE GOING HOME.
HUFF PUFF, YOU CAN'T!
LOOK, WE DON'T BELONG HERE.
NO!
AND WHATEVER MESS YOU'VE GOTTEN YOURSELF INTO
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US!
( whining )
PLEASE, DON'T CRY.
LOOK, NOTHING YOU CAN SAY IS EVER GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND.
( whining weakly )
THAT'S HOME, FRITZ.
WELL, IT'S NOT HOME FOR ME, TONY.
AND YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY THINK OF GOING HOME
WHILE YOU REMAIN MY MANSERVANT.
ALL RIGHT. LET'S GET SOMETHING STRAIGHT
YOUR ROYAL DOGNESS.
I AM NOT YOUR MANSERVANT.
AHA.
SO, DID YOU BREAK THE NEWS TO HIM?
YES.
WELL, SORT OF.
( cow moos )
WHAT'S "SORT OF"?
SORT OF AGREED TO REPRESENT HIM.
VIRGINIA!
I DON'T THINK HE KILLED ANYBODY.
THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO THINK.
THERE'S A DEAD GIRL OUT THERE!
IT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU.
HE'S A WOLF. THAT'S WHAT WOLVES DO.
THAT'S THE FIRST INTELLIGENT THING YOU'VE SAID, ANTHONY.
Virginia: LOOK, WE HAVE THE MIRROR.
WE CAN GO HOME ANY TIME.
SO, LET'S GO RIGHT NOW.
LET'S GO RIGHT THIS MINUTE
BEFORE WE'RE TURNED INTO GIANT PIGS
OR TRAMPLED BY GOBLINS
OR WHATEVER'S NEXT IN THIS MADHOUSE.
I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL I TRY TO HELP HIM.
HOW...?
HELP ME HIDE THIS THING
UNDER THE STRAW IN THE WAGON.
YOU NEVER USED TO BE THIS OBSTINATE, YOU KNOW?
THAT'S SOMETHING HE'S TAUGHT YOU.
SOMEBODY HAD TO, DIDN'T THEY?
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
I HAD NO CHOICE. YOU HAVE TO.
YOU KNOW, VIRGINIA, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT THE LAWS AROUND HERE.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT LAW AT ALL.
MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE REPRESENTED HIM.
EXCUSE ME.
WHO GOT YOU OUT OF THE PARKING TICKETS?
WHO TOOK THE POLAROID OF THE BROKEN METER?
VIRGINIA, THIS IS A MURDER CASE.
JUSTICE IS UNIVERSAL.
IT'S NO GOOD. IT'S NO GOOD.
WE'VE LOST ALREADY, MY CREAMY COUNSEL.
THE LOCAL JURY IS CERTAIN TO BE BIASED AGAINST ME.
NOW, THAT IS WHAT I DON'T WANT TO HEAR...
NEGATIVE THINKING.
ANY JURY CAN BE SWAYED.
ALL YOU NEED IS A...
( all bleating )
OH, MY GOD.
( crowd clamoring )
Bailiff: ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE JUDGE.
IT GIVES ME NO PLEASURE TO SENTENCE THIS WOLF TO DEATH
( bleating )
FOR THE TERRIBLE CRIME...
OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR!
WE HAVEN'T HEARD ANY EVIDENCE YET.
OH. ALL RIGHT.
WELL, UM, MOVE IT ALONG NICE AND BRISK, EH?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
OF THE JURY, EWES AND RAMS
BEFORE YOU LEAVE THIS COURTROOM TODAY
I WILL NOT ONLY HAVE PROVED MY CLIENT'S INNOCENCE
BEYOND ANY REASONABLE DOUBT--
OW.
BUT ALSO UNMASKED THE REAL KILLER.
Judge: JUST A POT
OF LEMON TEA AND A SLICE OF ROSIE PEEP'S
GINGER CAKE. THANK YOU.
LOOK AT THIS POOR MAN BEFORE YOU.
IS HE A WOLF? NO.
BUT HE IS A STRANGER
AND STRANGER EQUALS WOLF.
AND WOLF EQUALS KILLER.
IS THAT WHAT WE'RE SAYING?
Judge: VERY WELL PUT!
NOW TO THE SENTENCING.
YOUR HONOR
I'M ONLY JUST BEGINNING.
I WOULD LIKE TO CALL MY FIRST WITNESS.
WILFRED PEEP, YOU SAW MY CLIENT
RUNNING AWAY FROM THE SCENE OF THE CRIME
IS THAT RIGHT?
CLEAR AS DAYLIGHT.
IT WAS HIM.
OOH, THAT WAS ME.
THAT'S HIM!
BURN HIM. BURN HIM.
I'M WONDERING IF YOU CAN READ THIS.
OF COURSE, I CAN.
IT SAYS, "NO TRESPASSING ACCORDING TO..."
THANK YOU.
I WONDER, MR. PEEP, IF YOU CAN READ IT NOW
AT THE SAME DISTANCE YOU SAY
YOU CLEARLY SAW MY CLIENT RUNNING AWAY
FROM THE MURDER SCENE.
"...ACCORDING TO LITTLE LAMB VILLAGE COUNSEL RULING
NUMBER 714B. AND BYLAW 21-A."
NO FURTHER QUESTIONS, THANK YOU.
( crowd laughing derisively )
YOU CRIPES!
WE GOT TO DO SOMETHING TO HELP HIM.
HE'S A WOLF.
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?
HE'S ONLY DONE EXACTLY WHAT I SAID HE'D DO ALL ALONG.
VIRGINIA BELIEVES IN HIM
AND I BELIEVE IN VIRGINIA.
NOTHING YOU CAN SAY WILL MAKE ME HELP HIM.
YOU WANT TO EAT TONIGHT?
MISS PEEP, WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION?
I'M A SHEPHERDESS.
OH, A SHEPHERDESS...
OR TEMPTRESS?
OH, YEAH, TEMPTRESS. SHE'S A TEMPTRESS.
I'M A GOOD GIRL.
THAT WOLF CAME UP TO US GIRLS
AND HE KEPT TRYING TO TOUCH US
AND SHOW US HIS TAIL.
OH, THAT'S A LIE!
THEY PROVOKED ME!
PROVOKED YOU TO WHAT?!
P-P-PROVOKED ME TO NOTHING.
BUT THEY SURE WERE TRYING.
MISS PEEP!
MISS PEEP, I SUGGEST THAT YOU AND SALLY PEEP WERE
THE EASIEST SHEPHERDESSES IN TOWN.
( crowd clamoring )
ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT AN INNOCENT YOUNG GIRL
FROM THIS VILLAGE MIGHT KISS A MAN
BEFORE SHE'S MARRIED?
WELL, A BIT MORE THAN THAT, YOUR HONOR.
OH, YOU TRY MY PATIENCE.
YOU ARE JUST THIS FAR FROM BEING THROWN ON THE BONFIRE
WITH THAT FILTHY MURDERING WOLF!
WHAT CAN YOU SMELL?
( sniffing ): YOUR BODY ODOR.
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TRIED.
GO ON. SEE WHAT YOU CAN SMELL.
WHY DON'T YOU GET DOWN ON ALL FOURS
AND SEE WHAT YOU CAN SMELL?
IT'S MAINLY FEET AND EXCREMENT AT GROUND LEVEL.
HAS THAT OCCURRED TO YOU?
CAN YOU PICK UP A SCENT?
THERE'S HUNDREDS OF SCENTS.
WELL, YES
BUT ONLY A GREAT HUNTING PRINCE LIKE YOURSELF COULD DISTINGUISH
THAT SPECIAL SCENT WE'RE LOOKING FOR.
CORRECT.
YOU GOT IT? LET'S GO.
Judge: HOW WOULD YOU
DESCRIBE SALLY PEEP?
OBJECTION.
SALLY...
VERY CUTE.
SUCCULENT.
NICE GIRL.
A VERY TASTY LITTLE BIRDY
AND NO MISTAKE.
NICE ENOUGH TO EAT?
OH, YES!
WHAT?
NO. NO, I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
SHE WAS ASKING FOR IT, IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?
SHE WAS BEGGING FOR IT.
I MEAN SHE WAS GAGGING FOR IT.
NO, NO. I JUST MEANT
THAT SOME OF THESE GIRLS ARE VERY PROVOCATIVE.
THEY KNOW THAT A WOLF... WELL
IT'S, IT'S LIKE THRUSTING A STEAK
IN FRONT OF A STARVING MAN.
IS IT, INDEED?
OH, NO, I DIDN'T MEAN THAT, EITHER.
SEE? I'M TWISTING EVERYTHING I'M SAYING!
HE'S SUFFERING
FROM POST-MENSTRUAL TENSION, YOUR HONOR.
WHO'S MENSTRUSENT?
PEN... WHATEVER IT IS?
THE NIGHT BEFORE THE MURDER, THERE WAS A HENHOUSE HOMICIDE
RESULTING IN THE DEATH OF TEN CHICKENS.
ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU?
NO, SIR.
YOU DIDN'T KILL THOSE CHICKENS?
NO, SIR!
YOU DIDN'T GO NEAR THE HENHOUSE?
ABSOLUTELY NOT, SIR.
THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS?
THAT IS A PIECE OF YOUR SHIRT
RECOVERED FROM INSIDE THE PEEP'S CHICKEN COOP.
( recalling ): OH, THE CHICKENS!
LET ME THINK.
YES, YES.
I MIGHT HAVE EATEN ALL THE CHICKENS.
AND THEN YOU KILLED SALLY PEEP.
OH, A COUPLE OF DRUMSTICKS DOESN'T MAKE ME A KILLER.
I HAD CHICKEN FOR DINNER, I ADMIT IT
BUT I DIDN'T TOUCH NO GIRL, I SWEAR!
THEN WHY DID YOU LIE?
YES, WHY DID YOU LIE?
BECAUSE IF I SAID YES TO THE CHICKENS
THEN YOU'RE GOING TO THINK
I WOLFED DOWN THE GIRL AS WELL!
THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT WE THINK.
BUT I DIDN'T DO IT!
I DIDN'T DO IT, VIRGINIA!
OF COURSE, HE DIDN'T.
I DIDN'T DO IT!
Virginia: OF COURSE, HE DIDN'T DO IT!
OF COURSE, HE DIDN'T DO IT.
BUT IF HE DIDN'T KILL SALLY PEEP
THEN WHO DID?
Man: WHO DID?
I HEAR MYSELF ASKING MYSELF...
BECAUSE THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO POINT THE FINGER
AT THE REAL KILLER...
BECAUSE...
BECAUSE LAST NIGHT THERE WAS ANOTHER MAN
WALKING AROUND DRESSED AS A WOLF. YES!
THE MAN IN THE WOLF MASK IS THE REAL KILLER.
AND THAT MURDERING PIECE OF FILTH IS
THE ONE THAT SHOULD BE ON THIS WITNESS STAND NOW.
THE HONOR OF PLAYING THE WOLF IN THE ANNUAL FAIR
HAS ALWAYS GONE TO AN UNIMPEACHABLE MEMBER
OR OUR SOCIETY.
I DON'T CARE.
BRING THE SLEAZEBAG IN.
LET ME CROSS-EXAMINE HIM
AND I GUARANTEE WE'LL HAVE OUR MURDERER.
AND WHEN THAT HONOR WAS BESTOWED ON ME
LAST WEEK, I WAS ONLY TOO HAPPY TO ACCEPT.
I'M MOST DREADFULLY SORRY, YOUR HONOR.
THE PEEP'S BARN.
( sniffing )
COME HERE. COME HERE.
I'VE BEEN HERE, ALL RIGHT?
I KNOW ABOUT THE WELL.
THIS IS WHERE SHE CAME FROM.
SHE WAS HERE JUST BEFORE SHE WAS MURDERED.
I CAN SMELL HER HERE.
MEMBERS OF THE JURY, YOU HAVE HEARD THE EVIDENCE
MOST OF IT QUITE RIDICULOUS.
SOME OF IT.
NOW, THOSE WHO BELIEVE HIM INNOCENT
ALL GO INTO THE LEFT-HAND PEN.
THOSE WHO KNOW HIM TO BE GUILTY
GO INTO THE RIGHT-HAND PEN.
THE RIGHT-HAND PEN IS FULL OF FOOD.
Wolf: YEAH, IT'S FULL OF FOOD!
( Wolf howling )
THE GYPSY WAS RIGHT!
A GIRL DEAD, A WOLF BURNS.
SO WHAT IF THIS IS WHERE SALLY CAME FROM?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU EXPECT TO FIND.
THE WELL.
SOMEBODY'S DESTROYED THE MAGIC WELL.
WHO COULD...
SHH!
I'M GETTING A NEW SCENT.
I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING IMPORTANT HERE.
BY A UNANIMOUS VERDICT, I PRONOUNCE YOU GUILTY
OF MURDER MOST HEINOUS.
NO, NO!
I SENTENCE YOU
TO BE BURNED AT THE STAKE.
LET'S DO IT RIGHT AWAY
BEFORE THE MARVELOUS MARROW CONTEST.
( howls )
IT'S NOT FAIR!
( crowd yelling )
WOLF!
( crowd continues yelling )
I DIDN'T DO IT! I DIDN'T DO IT!
( Wolf howls )
YOU CANNOT DO THIS.
YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN HIM A FAIR TRAIL.
VIRGINIA, I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER ME ALL NICE PLEASE FOREVER.
SEEMS ONLY RIGHT
THAT FAMILY SHOULD DO IT, WILF.
I'LL BURN HIM.
STOP! STOP!
WOLF DID NOT KILL SALLY PEEP
AND I CAN PROVE IT!
HE'LL SAY ANYTHING.
DON'T! LISTEN TO ME.
THE PEEP FAMILY HAS CHEATED YOU FOR YEARS.
THEY HAVE THEIR OWN MAGIC WELL.
THEY'VE STOPPED THE REST OF YOU
FROM GETTING ANY OF THE WATER.
WHEN SALLY PEEP LOST THE COMPETITION
SHE WRECKED YOUR WELL, DIDN'T SHE, WILFRED?
YOU FOUND OUT WHAT SHE DID.
YOU FOLLOWED HER UP INTO THE FIELD
AND YOU KILLED HER, DIDN'T YOU?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
WE DON'T HAVE NO MAGIC WELL.
WHY DO THINK THEY'VE WON THE COMPETITIONS
YEAR AFTER YEAR?
WHY DO THINK THEIR FOOD TASTES BETTER?
I BELIEVE HIM!
YOU PEEPS HAVE CHEATED US
FOR TOO LONG.
OH, WHERE'S THE PROOF TO ANY OF THIS?
PROVE THAT I KILLED SALLY.
THAT'S RIGHT.
PROVE IT.
WHERE'S YOUR COAT, WILFRED?
THE ONE YOU WERE WEARING
LAST NIGHT?
( whistles )
THE DOG.
HE'S GOT WILF'S COAT.
BLOOD.
( astonished exclamations ) BLOOD!
IT'S BLOOD.
( all gasp )
POOR SALLY, SHE WASN'T YELLING "WOLF" AT ALL
WAS SHE, WILFRED?
SHE WAS SCREAMING YOUR NAME.
WILF...! WILF...!
SHE'D RUINED THE WELL.
DIRTY LITTLE VIXEN.
SHE'D DESTROYED ALL THE MAGIC.
YOU KILLED OUR SALLY?!
I OUGHT TO KILL YOU!
( crowd shouting and screaming )
Wolf: MY THREE FRIENDS!
HOW COULD I EVER THANK YOU ENOUGH?
YOU SAVED MY BACON.
OH, THANKS, OLD CHAP.
OH, I OWE YOU A VERY BIG BONE.
I'M ACTUALLY DISGUSTED THAT YOU'RE STILL WITH US.
YOU REPULSE ME.
WHY DID I HAVE TO SAVE YOUR LIFE?
OH, YES, FROM NOW ON, WE ARE FRIENDS FOR LIFE.
AND AS FOR YOU--
VIRGINIA, WHAT A COURTROOM DRAMA.
SO, UM, YOU CURED NOW?
OH, COMPLETELY.
BACK TO MY OLD SELF.
YEAH?
I CAN'T REMEMBER MUCH ABOUT IT
BUT I DO REMEMBER THAT YOU AND TONY-BOY
LAID DOWN YOUR LIVES FOR ME.
IT WAS THE MOST AMAZING THING; SO DRAMATIC.
WH...?
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WAGON?
AND OUR MIRROR?
OH, MY SON JOHN
HE'S JUST TAKEN HIS PIGS TO MARKET.
LEFT A COUPLE OF HOURS AGO.
OH, WHICH WAY AND HOW FAR?
WELL, IT'S NOT A JOURNEY YOU'D WANT TO MAKE ON FOOT.
BYE-BYE.
DID YOU ENJOY YOUR STAY AT OUR VILLAGE?
NOT EXACTLY.
WISH I COULD REMEMBER WHO THAT DOG
REMINDS ME OF.
LET ME MAKE A SUGGESTION:
PRINCE WENDELL, YOUR RULER.
PRINCE WENDELL?
DON'T BE SO DAFT.
( whines )
NO, IT WAS A PUPPY
I ONCE KNEW CALLED MR. FLEAS.
AH, SPLENDID...
MR. FLEAS.
ANTONY, CAN WE LEAVE THIS VILLAGE?
ONE IDIOT IN OUR GROUP IS QUITE ENOUGH.
LET'S GO.
AREN'T YOU GOING TO MAKE A WISH THEN?
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE IT FOR US?
YEAH.
BYE.
( loud splash )
THAT SOUNDS LIKE OUR WELL'S GETTING SOME WATER BACK IN IT.
OH, JOY!
OH, YAY! OH, YAY!
THE WATER IS BACK ON!
( crowd cheering )
FINALLY, I AM A COMPLETE IDIOT!
Virginia: "ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS:
"DO YOU FREQUENTLY CONCEAL YOUR EMOTIONS?
"DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU DO EVERYTHING FOR OTHER PEOPLE
AND THEN RESENT IT?"
"EVERY DAY IN EVERY WAY
I AM BECOMING A NEW AND BETTER MAN."
I'M ON THE FINAL PAGE OF THE FINAL CHAPTER OF MY FINAL BOOK.
I NOW TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WOMEN TOP TO BOTTOM.
I HAVE PERFECTED A TECHNIQUE
OF NOT LOOKING AT HER ALL THE TIME.
VERY DIFFICULT.
I THINK I'VE SUCCEEDED.
"I AM LISTENING TO MY EMOTIONS AND I AM AT ONE WITH MYSELF."
HANG ON, I HAVEN'T FINISHED THAT PAGE YET.
TURN BACK.
I'VE MANAGED TO STOP MY TONGUE FROM LOLLING
WHEN SHE AROUSES ME.
I'VE TRANSFORMED MYSELF INTO A NEW MAN
SOON, SHE WILL BE MINE.
( soft harp music playing )
Tony: WHERE EXACTLY ARE WE?
WE HAVE ENTERED THE MOST ROMANTIC TOWN
IN THE WHOLE OF THE NINE KINGDOMS.
THE KISSING TOWN WHERE EVERYONE FALLS IN LOVE.
TRULY, FATE HAS LED US HERE.
DREAM ON.
YOU'LL SEE.
Tony: YEAH, WELL, WE DIDN'T COME HERE FOR THAT.
WE CAME FOR THE MIRROR, ALL RIGHT?
HELLO, I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU ALL DAY.
I CAN SEE LOVE AND FORTUNE COMING YOUR WAY.
WELL...
WELL, IT'S SLICE THE FRUITCAKE TIME AGAIN.
DAD.
GREAT ROMANCE, GREAT WEALTH
BEFORE THIS VERY NIGHT IS OUT.
AH, AND WHICH ONE OF US MAKES THE MONEY?
YOUR AURA IS CLOUDY.
JUST GIVE ME A COUPLE OF COINS.
IT'S THE OLD CLOUDY AURA BIT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU ARE SUCH A SOFT TOUCH.
YES; SOFT, SENSUOUS...
CREAMY TOUCH.
NOW, IF YOU LOOK OVER THERE
YOU MIGHT FIND WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.
GOOD-BYE.
WAIT... GO GET...